The Week in Miscellany: Coalitions and Cabbages

I was so sorely tempted to blog in full about the Coalition last week. So many on the left seemed to be panicking as if, as Charlie Brooker humourously puts it, the Tories were blood-curdling Vampiric sadists. We all know a few Tories who are just that, but much of the party's recent rhetoric seems to be aimed at a more centrist audience. With the Lib Dems on board, I'm confident that there will be some sort of beating socially-centred heart in Government. Immediately they're making pleasant purring noises on civil liberties, the environment, and lifting the poorest out of taxation. I'm not saying we should trust them forever, but we should give the Coalition a fair wind. See where it takes us. At the very least, for now it's a refreshing breeze.

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On the allotment front, I want to tell a cautionary tale about the dangers of May. It's all balmy and lovely for a bit, and your sprightly Runner Beans have been doing well on the patio for a couple of weeks. "Allotment, ho!" you say, and dutifully head off to erect some sort of weird bamboo clambering frame for them. And then it happens. May happens. Duplicitous, frigid May. With its snap frosts and consequently withered Runner Beans. Do not trust it.

Other than the Runners, everything's rather rosy in Xanadu (for that, sadly, is the working title for my little patch... don't worry, the shed's called Dave); my fruit bushes are becoming more bushy with every rainy day, none of the mail-order Artichokes or Asparagus crowns have failed, and there's a gradual feeling that the beastliest of the weeds are being tamed by my stern hoe. In short, it's becoming a garden. And it pleases.

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Now! Word-gripe of the week! This time it's the turn of "progressive", which has become so meaningless in the last few months that even David Cameron dares use it. We'll see on that front, but for me this election campaign was the moment when zeitgeisty "progressive" joined the pile of other meaningless campaign words.

So, that updated list in full: sustainable, fair, change, progressive. It'll doubtless grow...

To the Ballotmobile!

Yikes, boy wonder, it's that time again! Time to venture out of the Batcave and into the wide wide world... Time to fight for decency and justice, time to clean up this sshhhtinking sshhhity, and hopefully not run into any penguins on the way!

Yes, it's election time again. And this time it's proportional. Except... wait... no, it isn't! It's being held - hopefully for the last time - under a grossly unfair system. A system we've been stuck with because - like too many things in this country - it's traditional. It's also rubbish. We could vote like this:

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But still get this:

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And there's no argument for it. Not even the "strong Government" argument the Tories are peddling. Of course they would. But if First-Past-the-Post really provided strong Government, why are we heading for a hung parliament? And would it be so bad if coalitions were the norm? Isn't consensus better than that terrible old Punch and Judy politics? We need to break out of our shackles. We're now in true multi-party politics, and it's obvious the system's broken.

There's only one way to fix it. There's only one way to properly reconnect the electorate and Parliament, and that's PR. And only a vote for the Lib Dems will secure it. Vote for anyone else and this once-in-a-lifetime chance for real and lasting political change will be lost forever.

So, to the Ballotmobile!